I don't really know...

His random request for dinner sometimes makes me a little happy, even though I dread the silence during the meal.

However, the requests are usually last minute and I usually won't be able to make it and I'd make an effort to arrange for another day. When the day comes, he'd change or cancel the appointment.

His actions really force me to think of him negatively. His actions really made me feel that I'm just someone who will fill his void evenings and, his other appointments (even made at the last minute) are more important than me. Whether his reasons given is really the truth doesn't really matter anymore because I lost faith in him already.

Sometimes I wonder why do I still feel a tinge of sadness when I shouldn't be...maybe subconsciously I do still care for him?

I don't really know anymore..